This was a notice to inform the congregation about a PANTRY PARTY for the pastor:
"Due to the fact that this is Pastor Appreciation month, we will be having a Pastor Appreciation Party down at the white building on October 31, 1999. Please bring a panty item so that we can build up Pastor's Y2K panty for him and Edna. This is a surprise, so please do not tell him. Sandwiches, cider and donuts will be served. Please come and show the Pastor how much you support and appreciate him. We look forward to seeing you then."
Debra Roberts, Mansfield, Ohio
An Internal Revenue inspector walks into a synagogue and asks to see the rabbi. He is shown to the rabbi's office and is offered a seat.
"Rabbi, I believe a member of your synagogue, Mr. Klutz, states on his tax return that he has donated $100,000 to the synagogue. Tell me, Rabbi, is this correct?"
The Rabbi answers, "Yes, he will."
A 4-year-old boy who was asked to return thanks before Christmas dinner. The family members bowed their heads in expectation. He began his prayer, thanking God for all his friends, naming them one by one.
Then he thanked God for Mommy, Daddy, brother, sister,
Grandma, Grandpa, and all his aunts and uncles. Then he began to thank
God for the food. He gave thanks for the turkey, the dressing, the fruit
salad, the cranberry sauce, the pies, the cakes, even the Cool Whip.
Then he paused, and everyone waited--and waited. After a long silence,
the young fellow looked up at his mother and asked, "If I thank God
for the broccoli, won't he know that I'm lying?"
There was this lady who was visiting a church one Sunday. The sermon seemed to go on forever, and many in the congregation fell asleep.
After the service, to be social, she walked up to a very sleepy looking gentleman, extended her hand in greeting, and said, "Hello, I'm Gladys Dunn."
And the gentleman replied, "You're not the only one ma'am,
I'm glad it's done too!!"
There is the story of a person who got up one Sunday and
announced to his congregation: "I have good news and bad news. The good
news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program. The
bad news is, it's still out there in your pockets."
While driving in Pennsylvania, a family caught up to an Amish carriage.
The owner of the carriage obviously had a sense of humor, because attached to the back of the carriage was a hand printed sign...
"Energy efficient vehicle. Runs on oats and grass. Caution:
Do not step on exhaust."
During the minister's prayer one Sunday, there was a loud whistle from one of the back pews. Gary's mother was horrified. She pinched him into silence, and after church, asked: "Gary, whatever made you do such a thing?"
Gary answered soberly: "I asked God to teach me to whistle ... And He just then did!"
When a mother saw a thunderstorm forming in mid-afternoon, she worried about her seven-year-old daughter who would be walking the three blocks from school to home. Deciding to meet her, the mother saw her walking nonchalantly along, stopping to smile whenever lightning flashed.
Seeing her mother, the little girl ran to her, explaining
happily, "All the way home, God's been taking my picture!"
A Sunday School teacher began her lesson with a question, "Boys and girls, what do we know about God?"
A hand shot up in the air. "He is an artist!" said the kindergarten boy.
"Really? How do you know?" the teacher asked.
"You know - Our Father, who does art in Heaven... "
A mother took her three-year-old daughter to church for the first time. The church lights were lowered, and then the choir came down the aisle, carrying lighted candles.
All was quiet until the little one started to sing in a loud voice, "Happy Birthday to you, happy birthday to you......"