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Last year's Christmas pudding was so awful I threw it in the ocean. That's probably why the ocean's full of currants!


What's the first thing elves learn in school?
The "elf"-abet!


What do the elves call it when Father Christmas claps his hands at the end of a play? Santapplause!


What do you call people who are scared of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic!


What do you call Santa when he has no money?
Saint "Nickel"-less!


What do you call someone who doesn't believe in Father Christmas? A rebel without a Claus!


What do you get if you cross Santa with a flying saucer? A UF ho, ho, ho


What do you get if you cross Santa with a gardener? Someone who likes to hoe, hoe, hoe!


And what goes oh! oh! oh?
Father Christmas walking backwards.


What nationality is Santa Claus? North Polish!